Who’s the Fairest Gun Advocate of Them All?


I’ve been speeding a lot of time on Facebook lately engaging my fellow citizens in a spirited discussion on issues of our time.

Recently some intellectual historians have been bandying about a graphic informing citizens about who supports their gun rights and who doesn’t.  I have a very high tolerance for foolishness as this column amply illustrates.  But this particular piece, brought out the fact checker in me.

Sure, it’s an article of faith in these climes that anyone who opines that there might possibly be some limits to the second amendment is a traitor, communist or – egad! – a Muslim.  But as one who has steadfastly avoided and in fact decried comparing Donald Trump to Hitler or Mussolini (how blind is he who will not see?), I really must say that this this graphic hits a new level of silliness.

Facts are stubborn things:  OK, George Washington lived in the country – as did most everyone else in his day – and could make the case that a flintlock was necessary for protection.  Since he did, in fact, lead a well-regulated militia, one could logically conclude that he ‘thinks I should be able to own guns.’

Thomas Jefferson:  ditto on living in the country, but he was, after all, a secret Muslim.  I know because I clearly recall seeing it on TV…or maybe u-tube.

Being a very short person who also lived in the country, James Madison, probably toted an AK47 nearly everywhere to fend off huge bullies like Washington and Jefferson; however, it should be noted that when the British terrorists came to burn his White House, he chose not to exercise his right to bear arms in a fight to the death, instead fleeing with wife Dolly to the relative safety of Octagon House bearing a portrait of G. Washington.  Ever the critic, one thinks that perhaps Andrew Jackson, who killed a chap in a duel with an unlicensed gun, might have been a better example, but I guess his Democrat ties got him voted off the island.

From here, the ground even shakier.

Mr. Lincoln did preside during the war of the Northern aggression to deprive poor Southerners of their constitutional states’ rights to own other people.  And he certainly wasn’t shy about using military force.  But there is no record of his carrying a weapon of any sort when terrorists struck Ford’s theater…how different the outcome of that sad day might have been if he had. And one can only speculate whether, as he lay dying, Mr. Lincoln took time out to reconsider his alleged position on Mr. J.W. Booth’s right to bear arms.

It is highly doubtful that Mr. Gandhi, a noted pacifist, was in favor of anyone owing or using guns, even less so after a person fatally shot him with one.

As for Dr. King:  He did apply for a gun permit out of what turned out to be a well-founded fear that some white folks wanted to shoot him, but subsequently repudiated that decision: “How could I serve as one of the leaders of a nonviolent movement and at the same time use weapons of violence for my personal protection?”

Now for the fun part:  King George III was mad as a hatter, which would not disqualify him from owning a weapon in his former colonies, and had no objection to his well-regulated militia popping off rounds hither and yon.

Heir Hitler, a very bad man, and I shared only 18 months on earth together, so I doubt that my gun rights really appeared on his radar. But if anyone ever supported well-regulated militias with guns, it was he…Brown Shirts, Black Shirts, gestapo, death head brigades…a real gun advocate, he deserves honorary NRA membership.

Joe Stalin, also a very bad man, did lead a well-regulated militia against the Hitler’s minions and killed several million people, often with a gunshot to the back of the head. I don’t know how he felt about my gun rights, but he certainly liked his. Another potential NRA member.

Mao, another very bad man, opined that power emanates from the barrel of a gun, a position philosophically in tune with unfettered gun rights advocates. He also led a well-regulated militia against the Japanese and Nationalist Chinese.  And what were the red guards if not a militia?  Sign him up, Mr. La Pierre!

Kim Jong Il was no Hitler, Stalin or Mao, but a pretty bad chap, tho hardly as bad as his dad. (Those Kims are really hard to keep track of!)  He was born in Russia, but spent much of his life – when he wasn’t kidnapping nubile actresses – trying to throw foreigners out of Korea.  (Kinda like Ted-From-Toronto Cruz, but I digress.) By creating a million-plus man Army, he made Korea the most gun-rich land per capita this side of Montana. A real second amendment advocate!

Granted, Obama Care is – depending on which lunatic is shouting into the microphone at the moment – the moral equivalent of Nazi-ism or slavery, but I personally know our President is not against my owning a gun.  Just a few nights ago after we finished prayers at the secret White House mosque, we decided that a little crack cocaine would help us think outside the box on ways to take Christ out of Christmas and smuggle 5-year-old terrorists into the United States. When I volunteered to go down the street and procure some, the Prez said, ‘better safe than sorry,’   and presented a hand gun he grabbed  from a sleeping secret service agent so I could shoot any policeman who accosted me.

If you don’t believe me, check out the video.

It’s online unless the mainstream media have managed to suppress it.


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Jared Cameron

It is better to smoke a single candle that to curse the darkness

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